


I'll buy you the moon

by gayassBenny



Category: My Babysitter's A Vampire
Genre: Alcohol, Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25435201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayassBenny/pseuds/gayassBenny
Summary: Benny makes an interesting self discovery and also a complete ass of himself
Relationships: Ethan Morgan/Benny Weir
Comments: 11
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

Benny always knew he was different. 

He could never quite place why but there was always this lingering feeling. A constant reminder that in some way, he wasn’t like everybody else. There were times when it engulfed him like a cloud of black smoke and there were times he barely even noticed it at all but it was always somewhere eating away at him. When he was young his grandmother had told him that it was something everyone experienced and that he would grow out of it with time but he knew what he was feeling was different than your average everyday teen angst. 

It wasn’t just that he was awkwardly proportioned and overly obnoxious. It wasn’t his almost complete lack of social awareness or volume control. There was something buried deep inside of him that just made him tick differently. 

He’d thought he’d found the source when he discovered he was a spellcaster but even a year after the feeling was still eating away at him. Except it was even worse now. If the fact that he was a mythical creature wasn’t what made him feel like an alien then what could it possibly be? 

Ethan was standing next to him, rambling on about who knows what. Usually he’d never miss an opportunity to listen to Ethan speak. He loved hearing his voice and seeing the way his face lit up when he was passionate about something. He loved the way his nose would get all scrunched up when he was annoyed. But he couldn’t focus on anything except for that feeli 

Ethan slammed his locker, startling him from his trance. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Of course I was listening to you.” he lied. “And you’re absolutely right. I completely agree.”

Ethan rolled his eyes violently, making Bennys stomach tighten. He’d never admit it but always felt like he was disappointing Ethan in some way or another. Not in the usual ‘I want to please my friends’ way but on a deeper level. Ethan was different. 

“Okay so maybe I wasn’t listening.” 

Ethan started walking down the hall and Benny followed. Ethan had a tendency to decide to stop talking to him when he got like that. Benny had learned how to adapt, and regain his attention accordingly but it always stung just a little bit. “Ericas making Sarah go to this party this weekend so Sarah’s making me go with her.” 

Benny attempted to bury his disappointment with a supportive smile. Of course Ethan had been talking about Sarah. He was always talking about Sarah. He wondered briefly if Ethan ever talked about him the way he talked about Sarah. He shook the thought away. Why would Ethan talk about Benny the way he talked about Sarah? No that wasn’t right. Why would Benny want Ethan to talk about him the way he talked about Sarah? “That’s awesome I thought she’d never want to see you again after that awful date.” 

Ethan stopped dead in his tracks “What?” 

“I was spaced for a pretty long time E you’re gonna have to help me out.” 

Ethan began shuffling away again. “It isn’t a date. Sarahs just worried Erica’s gonna ditch her or something so she wants me there as a failsafe or whatever. She made it pretty clear that it wasn’t a date. Like horrendously clear, she might as well have ripped my heart out and ate it. But that isn’t the point. The point is I need you to come with me so it isn’t horribly awkward.” 

“Oh I get it.” he dramatically wrapped his arm around Ethan “You want me to be your date.” 

Ethan shrugged him off. “I was actually asking you for moral support.”

“Actually you were asking me to third wheel your date.”

Ethan sighed. What the hell did he sigh for? He was asking Benny for help, Benny should’ve been the one sighing. “Can you just do this one thing for me? I never ask you to do anything. Just this one time can you be serious?” 

“Why are you being so mean to me today? Just tell me what I did I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” 

“I’m not being mean to you.” They paused at the door to Ethans class. He looked like he wanted to say something else but he just stood there looking at Benny with a strange look in his eyes that he couldn’t place. “Please just come with me?”

Benny pretended to think it over. Even if he didn’t want to go he’s never been able to say no to Ethan. He just wanted his best friend to be happy, and if said best friend just so happened to be completely adorable that was just a coincidence. He would’ve said yes even if Ethan hadn’t given him that look that never failed to make him melt. “Yeah okay. I’ll come.” 

Ethan flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks B. You won’t regret it. I promise.” 

Ethan didn’t wait for him to respond before peeling away into his class. For some reason Benny felt like he was going to throw up.“I already do.” 

~~

Benny and Ethan obviously arrived together. The scene before them was immediately overwhelming, the people were packed in like sardines, the music was way too loud and all the different conversations muddled together into an unintelligible static. Benny wanted to go home immediately, but he wanted to be there for Ethan more. Even if Ethan was there for Sarah. 

They stood in the doorway frozen in fear. They’d been to parties before but most of the time they were there for a mission and the other times they were mathletes parties. “What do we do?” Benny asked tensely. 

Ethan skimmed the room for a moment before replying. “Find Sarah?” 

Benny sighed. Of course. That was why they were there afterall. They weren’t just there to hangout, they were there for Sarah. It seemed like they were doing a lot more things for Sarah and a lot less hanging out. Benny didn't have anything against Sarah. He couldn’t hate her even if he wanted to. But he wished that he could just be with his best friend sometimes. He understood, he really did. He was pretty sure Ethan was in love with Sarah and that was okay. Obviously it hurt. Ethan was his best friend, the most important person in the entire world to him. And Ethan had Sarah. Sarah was the one he wanted to protect the most. 

He nodded despite himself. “She’s probably somewhere with less people.” He took Ethans hand and dragged him away from the main room, his heart clenching around nothing.

It was a pretty decent sized house. Definitely bigger than Bennys and slightly larger than Ethans. It seemed pretty old too. The walls were mostly made of wood and there was a lot of crown molding. Benny was admiring the architecture more than he was looking for Sarah. Not that he didn’t want to find Sarah. 

“There she is.” Ethan let go of his hand and made his way over to Sarah. Benny felt a brief pang in his chest but he elected to ignore it, following Ethan instead. 

Sarah was sitting on the kitchen island. Her feet dangled a few inches off the floor. Benny got why Ethan liked her. She was pretty adorable in an absolutely terrifying sort of way. She perked up when she saw them. “Oh wow, I didn’t actually expect you guys to come.” 

“I’m surprised too.” Benny said casually. “Ethan basically had to beg me to come with him.” 

Ethan elbowed him. “I did not beg him.” 

“That is such a lie. You gave me your puppy dog eyes and everything you basically forced me.” 

Ethan opened his mouth to snap back but Sarah cut him off with a borderline hysterical laugh. “You totally do give him puppy dog eyes! I can’t believe I’ve never noticed that.” 

Ethan looked like he was ready to explode “That’s not true! I would never look at Benny anymore than I had to.” Ouch. “And even if Benny didn’t come I still would’ve showed up.” Double ouch.

“Oh come on.” Benny scooped Ethan into his arms and squeezed as tight as he could. “I could never abandon my boy!” 

Ethan attempted to shove him off but he just squeezed even tighter. “I’m not your boy!’ Ouch again. “And don’t try to make it seem like you’re loyal when everyone knows you’re just clingy.” Bennys heart sank. He released his arms all at once, making Ethan stumble a little bit. 

Benny opened his mouth to attempt to make a joke but Sarah beat him to it. “Wow Ethan you don’t have to be so mean.” 

Benny smiled. God he loved Sarah. “Yeah Ethan. You know you haven’t been very nice to me this week. I think you should apologize.”

Ethan looked ready to argue but Sarah came in clutch yet again “Benny’s right, for once. You should say you’re sorry.” 

Ethan sighed. “I’m so sorry Benny, I really am.” He wasn’t, but Benny didn’t need him to be.

“Okay great. Ethan come with me.” Sarah said as she grabbed Ethan by the arm and dragged him away. 

Benny made a noise of protest but they were gone before he had the opportunity to react. Well that was just great. He’d came so Ethan wouldn’t be alone and he’d already ditched him. It was almost laughable if it wasn’t so sad. What did he do? Did he leave? Ethan was already with Sarah, he’d served his purpose. There was no reason for him to be there anymore. 

He decided to go back to the main room. Better to be awkward in a crowd than alone he supposed. Ethan had drove them there so it wasn’t like he could’ve gone home anyways. The room was way overly crowded. The temperature skyrocketed the second he entered. In the few seconds it took him to cross the room his head began pounding. 

There was a group of people leaning against a wall near a table covered in liquor bottles and cans of beer. He decided it’d be a decent enough place to hide out until Ethan wanted to leave. On a whim he grabbed one of the cans off the table. His brain started going a million miles a minute. What was he doing there? Why did he do that? He felt like everyones eyes were on him. Like everyone was burning a hole into his head with judgment. He cracked the can open and took a sip. He immediately regretted it. It tasted like watered down piss. 

He somehow managed to drink the whole thing. He wasn’t even focused on drinking it; he just kept taking nervous sips while staring at his feet. He threw the can away and grabbed another, and then another, and then another. If he was gonna drink he might as well go all in right? He didn’t really feel anything. Maybe a little bit lighter and he was strangely hot for some reason but he didn’t see what the big deal was. 

After maybe the tenth song had finished and Ethan still hadn’t come back he had given up on waiting. He was probably having the time of his life with Sarah somewhere. It didn’t matter anyways. He didn’t need Ethan. He could totally have fun without Ethan. He was sure of it. He’d done it before, probably, and he could do it again. 

He started to walk away from the wall and then walked right back. Maybe just a few more songs. Ethan had to come back eventually and it would be better if Benny was near the door when he did. Just in case. 

Ethan would never leave without him. He knew that Ethan secretly cared about him almost as much as he did. But still. Better safe than sorry. 

“Hey Beanpole.” He flinched. ‘Please don’t be directed at me, please don’t be directed at me.’ He squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to make himself as small as possible. “Beanpole!” That was definitely directed at him. “Beanpole.” Someone flicked his forehead causing him to open his eyes. 

“Oh thank God Erica.” He breathed. “I thought you were gonna kick my ass.” 

“Don’t sound so relieved I still might. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Sarah wanted Ethan to come, so Ethan wanted me to come.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Of course Sarah made Ethan come. Where is she.” 

“I don’t know. She took Ethan from me as soon as I got here.”

Erica made a noise that was a mix between a groan and a scream. “Well that’s just fantastic. The one time I manage to get Sarah to come with me to a party she ditches me for some dweeb.” 

“Hey!” 

She raised her eyebrows at him, her face melted from a look of shock to sympathy. “Huh? Oh sorry. I forgot you were… you know.” What the hell was that supposed to mean? “Well I’ve looked everywhere for them and I can’t find them.” 

“Do you think they left?”

She laughed. “No. There’s no way Sarah would leave without talking to me and Ethans probably struggling to breathe without you.” 

“What?” 

“Just forget it. If Sarah can have fun with some dork so can I.” 

She started messing with the bottles on the table. He looked around to see if anyone was watching. Realistically he knew they were probably allowed to use them but he still felt like he was doing something wrong. Erica handed him a tiny red solo cup. “What the hell is this?” 

“Just drink it.” 

He took a sip. His face scrunched up immediately. It tasted like his fingers did after he hastily removed his grandmother's nail polish on nights she left him alone. “What the hell is that?” 

“Don’t sip it. Drink the whole thing at once.” 

He groaned but he did it anyway. It was absolutely disgusting and it burned his mouth a little bit. “That tasted horrible.” 

“Don't be such a baby.” She said, pouring another tiny glass of the horrendous substance. She drank it all in one gulp. Benny was absolutely amazed at how she managed to do it without flinching. 

“Can we go now?” 

She shook her head. “You need to take one more shot. I can smell the anxiety coming off of you from a mile away.” 

Benny whined but he complied anyway.

After he had another tiny glass of the god awful substance Erica dragged him away from the table. She took him to where all the people were dancing. Several people rammed into his body on the way. He was miserable. 

Erica started dancing so Benny danced with her. It was weird being at a party without Ethan but now that he had Erica he was starting to loosen up a bit. It also might’ve had something to do with the alcohol she had force fed him. He wasn’t quite sure. 

He wasn’t even sure Erica was paying attention to him. It was more like she was just dancing in his vicinity than dancing with but he didn’t even care. He was having the time of his life. It would’ve been perfect if Ethan were there. 

Ethan. 

He’d forgotten about Ethan. Stupid Ethan with his dumb pretty face and his stupid voice and his obsession with Sarah. What did Sarah have that he didn’t. Sure he loved Sarah. She was sweet and funny and pretty. But he was all of those things too and Ethan wasn’t fawning over him 24/7. Not that he wanted him to be. 

Erica handed him a cup. “Drink it.” She screamed over the music. He did what she asked. The contents of the cup were still disgusting but it was a lot better than the chemically substance she had forced him to drink earlier. It was like chemicals with a hint of soda. After he was about halfway through the substance he tripped over his own feet. He landed flat on his back. The cup flew out of his hands, landing somewhere in the crowd. Erica was inches away from his face in seconds. “Holy shit are you okay?” 

He groaned. He was fine, he hadn’t hit his head or anything, but he was incredibly embarrassed. He’d just busted his ass in front of a room full of seniors he obviously wasn’t okay. 

“You’re bleeding.” She yanked him off the floor by his arm and began dragging him off. He looked around to see how many people were staring at him but everyone seemed much too busy to pay attention to them. 

“Where are we going?” He mumbled and maybe he did hit his head. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he was hyper aware of his mouth forming around the words. What if he had a concussion? His grandmother was going to murder him. 

“This is a vampire party. I can’t have you bleeding out in the living room.” 

“You took me to a vampire party?” 

She dragged him into a bathroom and shut the door behind them. “I’m not the one who invited you. And it isn’t necessarily a vampire party. It’s more vampire friendly. Now shut up and sit on the toilet.” She set the cup she was holding on the counter and began digging through the cabinet. 

“I think I have a concussion.” He blurted. “It’s like my mouth is really sensitive and I’m uncomfortably hot and there’s no filter between my mind and my brain.” 

She laughed, pulling the contents of the cabinet out all at once. “You mean your mind and your mouth?” 

“Yes! That exactly. See I’m concussed.” 

She grabbed a box of bandaids and took one out. “You’re not concussed you’re drunk.” She stuck a bandaid on his forehead.

“I barely drank anything. I can’t be drunk, I have a concussion.”

“I guess that drink I had you was pretty strong. I knew you’d be a lightweight anyways you’re like twig. Does your head hurt?” He nodded. His grandma was still going to kill him but at least he didn’t have brain damage. She picked her cup up from the counter and handed it to him. “I’m not looking for painkillers.” As he began drinking Erica grabbed the bottom of the cup and slowly started raising it. “Come on Ethan will kill me again if you die on my watch.” 

He took a deep breath when he had emptied the cup. “How is almost drowning me and force feeding me alcohol keeping me from dying?” 

“I don’t know but I’m sure your boyfriend would rather have you drunk than in pain because you almost cracked your skull open.” 

He looked away. Why did that make him feel so weird? “Ethan is not my boyfriend.” He said lamely. 

“He might as well be. You’re totally in love with him.”

He laughed. “No I’m not. All I talk about is girls I’m not gay.” 

She shrugged. “I just figured you were bi.” 

He froze. She thought he was bi? Why would she think that? 

He’d never even considered that he could be bi. He knew he wasn’t gay. He liked girls. But he was a little bit more… open than other guys. Sure he’d thought guys were hot before but people that are bisexual don’t just look at another guy and think they’re attractive. They want to sleep with them and do relationship things with them.

Benny thought guys were attractive all the time but he didn’t want to do any of those things with another guy. Okay maybe the idea of sleeping with another guy wasn’t absolutely disgusting. Maybe he occasionally watched porn that didn’t involve women and he had thoughts that stereotypically straight guys didn’t have about guys. But he figured those were just weird things he did. He still didn’t want to marry a guy or anything. He couldn’t see himself holding hands with a guy or taking a guy on a date or cuddling with a guy while they watched some dumb move. Except that now that he did he didn’t hate the idea of it. 

“Holy shit.” He blurted. “I’m bisexual.” He couldn’t believe it. So many moments for his childhood fell into place instantly. The weight he’d been feeling on his shoulder dissipated instantly. He’d never felt so relieved in his entire life. That feeling he’d had for so long finally made sense.

“I know Benny.” He flinched. He’d completely forgotten Erica was in the room with him. 

His bones turned cold. A jolt of fear cut through his euphoria. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” 

She froze “Wait did you just realize that right now?” She asked. 

He buried a sigh into his hands and nodded. In his bliss he had completely forgotten about how much harder his life was going to be because of this. Holy shit how was he going to tell his grandma? 

She pursed her lips together and nodded “Congratulations dude. That’s really awesome I’m proud of you.” She continued putting away the contents of the cabinet as if nothing had happened.

Benny took his face out of his hands and groaned. “Thanks Erica I really appreciate it.” He really did. But the pit growing in his stomach made it difficult to seem excited. His life had just gotten twice as complicated in a matter of seconds. He was going to have to tell everyone eventually. And he was going to come across a lot of people that had a problem with it. 

“Dude calm down. Seriously you need to chill out. Seriously it’s nothing to throw a party over.” She joked. 

Benny wanted to laugh but he couldn’t really focus on anything other than his current problem. “Sorry I can’t properly express my gratitude while I’m in the middle of an identity crisis.”

“I don’t think it counts as an identity crisis if you’ve already figured out what your identity is.” 

He didn’t respond. How had he only figured this out now? Looking back he had crushes on boys as early as he had started liking girls. There was a boy back in elementary school that he used to follow around like a lost puppy. How had that just gone over his head? And there were definitely a few people in middle school that he wanted a lot more than to just be friends with. He had his entire life planned around heteronormative sterotypes and it was all for nothing. 

He supposed he should’ve seen it coming. He’d develop random crushes on girls that wouldn’t last and then go back to obsessing over Ethan. 

Ethan. Oh God Ethan. Ethan was so pretty. Too pretty. He’d always felt so hollow listening to Ethan talk about Sarah. He guessed he was a little jealous from the start. He just assumed that he was more jealous of his best friend getting a girlfriend before him than he was of his best friend having feelings for someone else. 

He’d always been a little too close with Ethan. He was hooked on Ethan since the day he moved to white chapel. He just thought it was because he made funny jokes and he was slightly worse than him at video games. Not because of his stupid beautiful smile or his kind heart and those god damn puppy dog eyes. 

He groaned. “Holy shit I am in love with Ethan.” After a moment he realized what he’d said. He felt his eyes widen but it didn’t last long because he could barely keep them open to begin with. Erica opened her mouth to say something but he stood up. “I’m gonna go home. I’ll tell Sarah you're in here when I find her.” 

Well that was an experience. Maybe not a good one but he guessed it was a pivotal point in his life. He walked into the living room and scanned for Ethan. He couldn’t find him in the three seconds he spent looking. Or maybe he just couldn’t see him, he wasn’t sure. But he did find Sarah. 

Stupid, beautiful, female Sarah. 

He figured she was his best bet at finding Ethan so he waded his way over to her. She was standing near the stairs. It was much quieter than the majority of the main room but it was still very loud. She offered him a smile when she saw him. One he gleefully returned. “Sarah!” He screamed into her face.

“Benny!” She yelled back at a much more acceptable volume. 

“Sarah. You’ve gotta tell me where Ethan is. I’ve gotta go home before I ruin my life.” 

She laughed . “I don’t know where he is. He told me he was looking for you.” 

“You lost Ethan? How do you lose Ethan? He's so cute.” He shouldn’t have said that he really shouldn’t have said that. Sarah was going to figure it out and she was going to tell everyone because she was in love with Ethan and-

She laughed again. “I don’t know. Probably the same way we lost you.” 

He faked a pout. “You didn’t lose me, you left me all by myself.” Alright maybe it wasn’t completely fake. “You took Ethan from me because you think you’re so cool with your long hair and your boobs. Ethan would like me if I had boobs too.” 

“I’m sure he would. Look he went back upstairs a few minutes ago. If you see Erica tell her to get over here.” 

“She’s in the bathroom.” He shouted before making his way up the stairs. He’d managed to make it through a whole conversation without admitting to liking boys or being in love with Ethan. He could totally last a ten minute car ride. He was fine. 

He started looking for Ethan once he got to the top of the stairs. His ‘looking’ consisted mostly of wandering around and occasionally turning his head but he still looked. After his third time walking back up the hallway he heard someone call his name. “Benny.” He whipped his head in their direction and started grinning like a mad man when he saw him. 

“Ethan.” He cooed. He was standing at the end of the hallway with a very concerned look on his face. Benny basically ran into him. Maybe he was going for one of those scenes in the rom coms where the guy stops the girl in the airport. “That was the longest ten minutes of my entire life.” he said, wrapping him into a hug.

Ethan shimmed out of his grasp. “That’s probably because it was three hours.” He shrugged in agreement. That made a lot of sense. “You’re drunk.” Ethan accused correctly.

“What? Me? No, I'm just having a good time. I’m chilling you know how it is.” He leaned casually against the wall to really seal the deal.

“Benny.”

“I can barely see.” 

Ethan groaned over dramatically. “Well that’s fantastic. I brought you here for support not so I’d have to end up babysitting you.” 

“Well it looks like you didn’t really need my support loverboy. You ditched me the second we got here.”

“It looks like you had a pretty good time without me.” He grumbled. 

“Oh yeah I had a blast.” He said cheerfully, completely forgetting that he was upset. “Erica yelled at me and then made me dance with her. It sounds boring but it was chill. And then I fell on my ass and my head started bleeding and Erica told me that I like guys. It was great.” 

Ethan pursed his lips together and thought for a moment. “She told you what?” 

Oh god why did he say that. He really didn’t mean to say that. “Oh yeah. I’m like into guys I guess. Girls too still but I figured it out like ten minutes ago and I’m really regretting telling you now but I feel so relieved dude. I’ve never even allowed myself to think about guys like that, but it makes sense doesn’t it? I feel like you should be the first to know, since you’re my everything, and I don’t really have a filter right now so-” 

“Benny?”

He was panicking again. Ethan was going to hate him and not want to be his friend anymore and then everyone else would side with Ethan because obviously they would, he’s Ethan. “Yeah?” 

“That’s awesome. I’m really proud of you.”

He grinned so wide his face hurt. “Thanks dude. Means a lot. I’d really appreciate it if you could keep me from coming out to anyone else though.” 

Ethan put a hand on his shoulder and looked up at him with his big brown eyes. “Of course dude. I think we should probably go home though. You’re like a ticking time bomb right now.” 

Benny nodded enthusiastically. “Right. That was what I came to find you for. Isn’t that neat?” 

“Yeah that’s really something B. Come on.” Ethan grabbed Bennys hand and started pulling him outside. He got that feeling in his heart again except this time he knew what it was. It was butterflies. Ethan gave him butterflies. 

Ethan let go when they were out the door. Benny was mildly heartbroken about it but he felt like he hid it well. 

“Dude.” He said, sliding into the passenger seat. “I am a party animal.” 

Ethan laughed. “You danced for an hour and then you fell on your ass, you barely even partied.” 

“I partied harder than you.” He mumbled.

For the first time in his entire life Benny stayed silent for the entire car ride. Everytime he tried to talk to Ethan all he could think about was how soft his hand was and how pretty he looked under the moonlight. It was absolute torutre. 

He felt like a blind man seeing for the first time. There’d always been this feeling that something was missing. He just didn’t know what it was. Now that he was seeing it though he never wanted to stop. 

After what felt like hours they pulled into Ethans driveway. “I think you should stay at my place.” 

Benny's eyes widened. There was no way he was going to be able to last all night with Ethan. He’d only know he liked him for 10 minutes and he’d already told Erica and just barely avoided telling Sarah. “But I live right there. I can make it that far.” He said, gesturing in the general direction of his house.

“Your grandma will kill you if she sees you like this, just tell her you fell asleep at my place. She’ll go way easier on you.” 

He made a noise of protest. This was very bad. There was no way this ended well. Either he ended up confessing his very new and confusing feelings to his straight best friend or his grandmother would turn him into a toad. 

Turning into a toad had never seemed so appealing in his entire life. “I’ll just go home. Grandma probably won’t even notice me coming in. Plus what if I throw up? I’d rather throw up in my room than yours.” He thought it was a pretty convincing argument but Ethan didn’t seem to budge. 

“Benny, would you just come with me? Since when do you ever say no to a sleepover?” 

He had a point. Benny would always prefer to sleep in Ethans bed over his own. Maybe that should’ve been an indicator. He sighed “Never.”

“Exactly never. Now get inside.” 

He groaned but he got out of the car and began making his way inside anyway. It was fine really. Ethan might end up hating him forever but at least he wouldn’t have to say no to him. 

He had a bit of trouble walking up the stairs so Ethan interlocked their elbows. It made it easier for him to walk up the stairs but completely inhibited his ability to breathe. 

They took their shoes off inside Ethan's room. He struggled to remove his so he sat in the desk chair and placed all of his attention into each foot. When he looked back up Ethan was removing his jeans and crawling into the bed. Benny quickly looked back down at his feet. 

“Well?”

“Well what?” 

“Benny get into bed.” 

Benny was absolutely bewildered. “You want me to do what?” 

“Get in the bed Benny.” 

He was spiraling. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep next to Ethan without saying anything. He already thought about the way he smelt far too often. He wasn’t going to be able to handle it. “Why can’t I just sleep on the floor? I usually sleep on the floor.” 

“Because the sleeping bag is in Jane's room and I really don’t need my parents to know I got home at 2 in the morning.” 

Benny was in hell. “Just give me a pillow I’ll be fine down here.” 

“Benny just get in the bed you’ve done it before. Why are you being so weird?” 

“Well don’t you think it’s weird now that I’m… you know.” 

“Dude I literally do not care about that. You were gross before and you’re gross now.” 

Benny smiled sadly. He was glad that Ethan didn’t care about his sexuality, not that he would. Ethan was a pretty loud and proud ally, but he sorta wished he wasn’t so calm. He knew Ethan wasn’t into him and that Ethan was straight but it hurt to seem him so careless when Benny was losing his mind. “You don’t have any pants on.” He whispered. 

Ethan sighed. “If I put pants on will you stop being overdramatic and get in the bed?” Benny hesitated a moment before nodding. There was no getting out of this. Ethan got what he wanted everytime without fail. 

Ethan slid into a pair of pajama pants. Benny closed his eyes and evened his breath. He was fine. He’d only known about his feelings for an hour; they probably weren’t even real. He probably didn’t even actually like Ethan. His brain had been slowly turning into mush all night. The likelihood that he actually had feelings for Ethan was nearly impossible. 

Benny got into bed fully clothed and faced the wall. He was going to be fine. He was just going to go to sleep and then pretend nothing ever happened. Ethan got in behind him and turned the light off. Everything was fine. He was a few minutes away from dreamland. He could do it. 

“Hey Benny?”

God fucking damn it. “Yeah?” 

There was silence for a moment like Ethan was thinking. He always thought so much. “I kissed this girl.” 

Oh. He turned around to face Ethan. If he was going to do this he was going to commit. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He paused again. “We went upstairs to play some game and then we were on the balcony and she kept getting closer. At first I was really excited but then it happened and.. I didn’t… I didn’t like it.” 

Benny couldn’t help but feel relieved. “You didn’t like it?” 

“Yeah it was like… it was nice. She had really soft lips and stuff but I didn’t feel anything. There was no spark.” 

Benny couldn’t breathe. Ethan was looking at him so intently but he didn’t know what he could say. He wanted to celebrate but he could tell it wasn’t the time for that even in his current state. “Oh.” He decided on. 

“At first I thought it was just a fluke but I don’t think it was that.” 

He swallowed. What the hell was going on? His heart was pounding in his chest. He was very much intoxicated but he was pretty sure this wasn’t just average bro talk. “Oh? What um… what do you think it was?”

“I’m not sure exactly. I thought maybe I still liked Sarah but ever since we went on that date it just hasn’t been the same. It isn’t interesting anymore. Before she was like this unobtainable super human that was also my babysitter and now it’s like… she’s just my friend.” 

“Oh.” Why did he keep saying oh? “Well you probably just…” He trailed off. He probably just what? Benny had no idea what he was talking about. Ethan was the advice guy. Did he even need advice? Was this a situation someone needed to be advised on? “I get it.”

“No you don’t. I don’t even get it.” 

“No I do. No girl has ever shown interest in me back but if she did I’d probably just panic and lose interest.” Because he was in love with Ethan but still. “You don’t have to like Sarah. Or that other girl. She’s probably just a blip on your radar. You’re not even gonna remember that you liked her in a few years. There’s all this like, societal pressure to find someone in highschool but it’s not that important. People that find the one in high school are always miserable I mean look at my parents the-” 

Suddenly Ethans lips were against his. He melted into him, every neuron in his body simultaneously set ablaze. It only lasted a few seconds but Benny had Ethans touch memorized immediately. He was addicted. 

Ethan pulled away, his hand still on his cheek. Bennys felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest. “Holy shit.” He whispered.

Ethans face fell. “I’m sorry. You just wouldn’t stop talking.” 

“You could’ve just told me to shut up but that works too.” 

Ethans eyes widened even more. “I’m sorry. Fuck I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” He started to roll over but Benny put a hand on his back. 

“Are you not gonna let me return the favor?” Why the hell did he say they? He was screwed. 

Ethan looked at him confused. “Am I what?” 

“I barely even got to kiss you back.” What was he doing? Ethan was obviously uncomfortable. This was a mistake. He was actively ruining his friendship. Ethan was going to hate him and he’d never want to see him again. He was so stupid. 

Ethan quirked a small smile. “Yeah I guess you can return the favor.” he breathed. 

He put his hand on Ethan's face and dove in. He had no idea what he was doing. He had only ever kissed Erica and the snack girl but he was pretty sure he was doing it right. Their mouths slotted together perfectly. Like they were made to be together. Every hair on Bennys body was alert, his heart was vibrating in his chest, but he felt so content. 

He thought the whole ‘time stood still’ thing was just a cliche but in that moment he didn’t care about anything but Ethan. His name played in his mind on loop. A mantra of ‘Ethan Ethan Ethan’ overtook him. It was like nothing else existed. Like instead of being surrounded by crappy decorations that were too nostalgic to be taken down and too small furniture he was completely engulfed by him. By his soul, by his essence. By him.

His whole body tingled. His hands wandered aimlessly and ended up wrapped around Ethans waist. Like they were drawn there by some higher being telling him exactly what to do. Ethan made a noise of affirmation that drove him absolutely wild. He flipped them over so he was on top of him. His stomach was twisted in knots and his lungs were begging him to take a breath but he couldn’t get away. Who would’ve guessed having someone else's tongue in your mouth was something that could be so personal. 

Ethan broke away to gasp for breath and Benny made quick work of attacking his neck. He immediately regretted it but the noise Ethan made told him it wasn’t the worst decision in the world. He again had no idea what he was doing. He bit down experimentally which seemed to get a good reaction. “Benny.” Ethan said breathlessly. He could barely hear it but he took it as affirmation and kept going. Ethan buried a hand in his hair and pulled. A noise escaped his throat. So apparently that was a thing. 

He pulled away and started peppering kisses across his chest until he reached the other side of his neck and started the whole process over. Ethan whispered something he couldn’t make out, his entire body tightened beneath him. “Benny.” He said again, a little louder this time. He took it as encouragement and bit down slightly harder. Ethan sucked in a breath, his body tensing harder than before. “Benny, Benny Benny.” He said, attempting to pull his head away by his hair.

Benny broke away as soon as he realized what was happening. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He asked in a panic. 

Ethan took a moment to catch his breath. “We can’t,” he took a moment to pant. Benny tensed. He went too far. “You’re drunk. It’s like I’m taking advantage of you.” He released a breath. As long as Ethan was okay he was content. 

He flopped down next to him. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

“It’s okay. It just got a little heavy and consent is important and stuff.” 

He nodded. “That’s true consent is very important.” Ethan nodded. He looked so pretty. He always looked so pretty. “Just so you know though, you could never take advantage of me. I’d die for you a million times over. You can have a kiss here and there.” 

Ethan blew out a laugh. He had the most beautiful smile. “I know.” Benny pressed their foreheads together. He wasn’t sure why it just felt right. He always found an excuse to touch Ethan. He just loved being close to him in every way possible. “Do you think, maybe... “ he trailed off. 

“Whatever it is, the answers yes.” He said. And he meant it with every fiber of his being. “Do you want the moon? I’ll buy you the moon.” 

Ethan scoffed. “You can’t buy the moon.”

“I’ll try.” 

“I know that’s why it’s so ridiculous.” 

“You could probably buy the moon. People buy stars all the time. It's basically the same thing.” 

Ethan laughed and buried his face in his neck. Bennys heart clenched around itself. He always found excuses to touch Ethan, hell he hugged him every chance he got. But he rarely got to cuddle with him like he so desperately wanted to. Before he started sleeping on the floor regularly he would wake up with his arms wrapped around him. He’d wait until Ethan woke up and slipped away from his grasp before he moved, worried if he moved even an inch he’d wake him. “That’s not the same thing at all.” 

“Stop trying to change the subject.” He reluctantly pulled Ethan away from his chest. “What do you want? Anything in the world.” 

Ethan looked away, “It was nothing, just forget I said anything.” 

Benny groaned. “Come on. You’re killing me here. Literally anything. Please tell me. I just want to make you happy.” 

Ethan tried to hide his smile. “Just shut up and kiss me again.” 

He did. Except this time instead of heated and rushed it was calculated and slow. He was trying to put all of his thoughts and feelings into it. Because he would never put them into words. He was pretty sure Ethan wasn’t gay. Less sure than before but he still didn’t think he was. He was probably just trying to make up for earlier. And Benny was okay with that. As long as Ethan was happy. 

Ethan pulled away after a few seconds. A flash of fear flickered in his eyes briefly. “This isn’t gonna make things weird is it?” 

That was a doozy. Benny was pretty sure he’d never be able to kiss anyone else ever again. Not that he regularly got the opportunity but still. In a way things had always been weird. He’d felt this way about Ethan for awhile, he just had a name for it now. And maybe things would be weird but he’d rather things be weird with Ethan than not be with Ethan at all. He already hated listening to Ethan talk about Sarah but he put up with it. He’d listen to Ethan talk about her for the rest of his life if he wanted him to. Kiss or no kiss.

“Probably not as weird as that time we found out your babysitter was a vampire.” 

Ethans lips curled into his beautiful smile. “Probably not.” 

They just laid there in silence for a while. Not really deciding to go to sleep but unspokenly agreeing to leave things on a positive note. Benny was happy as long as he was with Ethan. He didn’t understand how someone could make him so content and so uneasy at the same time but he didn’t feel the need to. Ethan made him happy, but he also made him nervous. That was just the way it was. The way it’d always been. Ethan rolled over eventually. Benny was momentarily disappointed that he didn’t get to look at Ethans face anymore but he was fine looking at the back of his head. It was pretty cute as far as backs of heads go. 

“Would it be weird if I spooned you?” 

“Your tongue was down my throat 10 minuets ago I’m pretty sure I can handle it.” 

Benny gleefully wrapped him into his arms. He buried his head into Ethans neck and smiled like an idiot. Which he was and he knew that. But he was living in the moment, cuddling with the love of his life and smelling his head. He didn’t have to worry about what would happen tomorrow.

~

Benny felt like shit. His head was pounding and his throat burned with vomit threatening it’s way out of his stomach. He buried his head into the pillows and let out an animalistic groan. 

“Afternoon princess.” He heard from somewhere in the room. He could tell it was Ethan but he didn’t know where he was. 

“What time is it?” He wailed. 

“Almost 11.” 

Benny groaned again. “That’s not the afternoon.” 

“You’re still lazy.” 

Benny whipped his head up to reply but the light burned his eyes horribly. “Why is it so bright in here? What’s wrong with you?” 

He felt Ethan sit on the bed next to him. “It isn’t bright in here you’re just hungover.” He felt something hit the back of his head slightly. 

“What is that?” 

Ethan didn’t respond, instead hitting him repeatedly with whatever object he had. Benny laid there for a moment just letting himself be hit by the mystery object but he soon realized Ethan wasn’t going to let up and he turned his head. It was a water bottle. “Drink it.” 

Benny downed the whole thing in a matter of seconds. He’d never been so thirsty in his entire life. He mumbled a quick thank you before tossing the bottle in the general direction of the trash can, missing horribly. 

“Can you not litter in my room please?” 

“Sorry.” He mumbled. And he was. For a plethora of things. At that moment though he was mostly sorry for kissing Ethan. He was acting normal but he could tell something was wrong. It was like there was a layer of shame and regret beneath his beautiful brown eyes. 

Ethan was staring at him intensely. Like he was trying to read his thoughts. Maybe Benny was doing the same thing to him. He wouldn’t be able to tell. “So last night.” Ethan started. Oh God. Benny really did not want to talk about last night. He knew exactly what Ethan was going to say and he was already heart broken. He wished he could just pretend it had never happened. So that’s what he did. 

“Yeah last night. Pretty crazy huh? I should probably go home now though. Grandma’s going to freak on me for not telling her I spent the night here.” He got up and went to collect his shoes from the end of the bed. 

“Benny.” 

Bennys face scrunched up. He was screwed. There was no getting out of it now. “Yes?”

“What exactly do you remember from last night?” 

“Oh dude I was sloshed.” Ethans eyes widened. He opened his mouth slightly but he quickly shut it again. “I don’t even remember leaving.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long. I honestly didn't expect anyone to want me to continue. Read with caution if you have divorced parents

It’d been over a week since the incident. Ethan’s neck had almost completely healed and his friends had all collectively agreed it was no longer worth making fun of him for anymore. It was almost like it never happened. Except for that it was all Ethan thought about and he couldn’t even look at Benny. Other than that though things were starting to get back to normal. 

Ethans parents had even let him have Benny over to study. And sure, it would’ve been nice to actually get to leave the house or be allowed to play video games, but he was still grateful to have him. Even if he did just sit there and make it difficult to study. He’d sworn he’d never study with Benny again after he almost caused him to fail his first test but he would’ve done anything for things to just go back to normal. 

Benny groaned loudly from across the room. “Why do we actually have to study? Why can’t you just lie to your parents like a normal person?” 

“Because I’m in deep shit Benny. I’m lucky I didn’t get grounded until college.” 

“It isn’t my fault some girl went ham on your neck.” 

He wanted to punch him in his stupid face. He’d been trying so hard not to be mad at Benny. It really wasn’t his fault. Ethan had kissed him first. It wasn’t Bennys fault that he just so happened to be a pretty decent kisser. It wasn’t his fault that his drunken ramblings had affected him so much. He had no control over what he was saying he probably didn’t even mean it. It wasn’t his fault Ethan had felt so warm and safe in his arms. And it wasn't his fault that he forgot. 

But it was still hard to pretend he didn’t care. Ethan had figured he’d liked Benny back in middle school. He just elected to ignore it. He never thought it would’ve been possible for Benny to reciprocate. He was always talking about girls, always had some overcomplicated plan to get a girl's attention. It just didn’t make sense for Ethan to ever go for it. But now that he knew that Benny liked boys and he’d had a taste of what could've been, it was getting harder and harder to repress it. 

He was so excited when it happened. He thought that would be the moment everything changed. He thought when he woke up Benny would tell him that he’d always loved him too and then they’d finally start dating. He thought he’d get to kiss Benny every day for the rest of his life after that. 

But he didn’t. Because Benny forgot. 

“Just shut the hell up Benny.” Benny tried to hide it but Ethan saw his face fall. What the hell was he doing? Benny was just teasing him, he didn’t even know what he did wrong. He was such an asshole. “Look I’m sorry dude I just don’t want to talk about it okay? I just wanna pretend it didn't happen.” He really did. 

Benny faked a smile and nodded. “Okay. Sorry.” 

Ethan cringed. Benny only ever apologized when he was about to get all mopey. He knew it wasn’t really his fault and that Benny knew he didn’t actually find him annoying, but he still hated seeing him hurt. Especially when Ethan had been the one that caused it. He took a moment to think it over. “I guess nothing horrible will happen if we don’t talk about calculus.” 

Benny lit up. “Oh thank god. I had no idea what you said earlier, I’ve been scribbling on my paper this whole time.” Benny tossed his notebook on the floor for effect. “Can we talk about how good Hannah looked today? I almost started drooling in biology.” 

Ethan rolled his eyes. He hated it when Benny talked about girls. “Do you have to talk about girls all the time? The least you could do is start peppering in some hot guys.” 

Benny cringed and looked at the floor. “Can we actually just pretend that isn’t a thing?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean.” He scrunched his nose and placed a hand on the back of his neck. He did that a lot when he was explaining something, Ethan noticed. “I mean I kinda just wanna ignore the whole... bi thing. I just don’t wanna talk about it. I didn’t even get to choose when I told you, it just slipped out. I’m just sad I didn’t get to tell you for real.” 

Ethan nodded. He was pretty sure he wasn’t straight and he couldn’t imagine how horrible it’d feel if he’d had to tell anyone against his will. He never even considered how hard it’d been for Benny. “Yeah dude. You don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready.” 

He smiled. “Thanks, E.” 

The room filled with deafening silence. Usually, they were able to find a comfortable silence. Not needing to talk, happy that they just got to be around each other. But this was different. They’d been different ever since the incident. He couldn’t look at Benny the same way. Every time he looked at him all he could think about was how nice his lips felt and how sweet he’d been. Benny had been acting off too. He’d been avoiding eye contact and talking less. Ethan figured that it was just because he was embarrassed about coming out but it still felt weird. 

“So Hannah right?” 

Ethan wanted to talk about literally anything else. He always hated it when Benny talked about girls. At first he just thought he was jealous but eventually he realized it was more than that. He had no idea how to react. Sure he thought girls were pretty but he never understood why he cared so much. He’d never felt the need to talk about a girl's appearance. Even when he’d liked Sarah he barely thought about the way she looked. She was just cool and exciting. It wasn’t like he was drooling over her. 

He shrugged. “She’s pretty I guess.” 

“Pretty? She’s gorgeous, have you seen her dimples? I could stare at them forever.” 

“If you’re into that.” 

Benny gave him a look he couldn’t place. “You’re not into dimples?” 

What the hell was that supposed to mean? “I don’t know, I never thought about it. She’s cute.” 

“You’re not giving me anything to work with Ethan. What are you into? Eyes? I can talk about eyes. She’s got nice eyes. I love brown eyes.” 

“Can we just talk about something else please?” 

Benny laughed. “Okay okay sorry. Her nose. She has a really nice nose.” 

Ethan couldn’t help but laugh too. “You are so annoying you know what I meant.” 

“You didn’t think I was annoying when I was sucking on your neck.” Benny joked.

His face fell as soon as he realized what he said. 

Ethan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What did you just say?” 

“Nothing just forget I said anything. It’s not impo-” 

“I thought you forgot.” Ethan was sick to his stomach. He remembered. He remembered and he lied about it. He lied to him. 

“Look I’m sorry I just thought it would be better if we could just pretend it didn’t happen.” Benny said in a far too calm manner. 

“So you lied? Benny, what the fuck?” His throat tightened up. He couldn’t believe it. 

“I said I was sorry, I’ll make it up to you I swear.” Benny said, getting strangely defensive. “I thought it was the right thing to do.” 

Ethan could’ve laughed in his face. He’d been freaking out for over a week and Benny was just pretending it hadn’t happened. Was it really that unimportant to him? “The right thing to do? Benny I haven’t even been able to look at you and you’ve been lying this whole time?” 

“I’m sorry, okay? I was just trying not to fuck up our friendship.” 

“So you think I fucked up our friendship?” 

“That’s not what I said at all!”

“Then what are you saying?” His eyes stung with tears threatening to escape his eyes. 

“I just didn’t want to make anything weird! You were trying to talk about it and I panicked. There’s no way a conversation about making out with your best friend ends well.” 

Ethan could tell Benny was panicking and normally he would’ve let up at that point but he was so angry. He’d never felt so betrayed in his entire life. “That’s such bullshit Benny.” Tears started streaming down his face. They cut into his cheeks life knives. “You let me think that you just forgot it happened for over a week.”

“I’m sorry it just slipped out.” 

Ethan shot up and began pacing around his room. “It didn’t just slip out you were playing into it. You asked me what happened to my neck. You were asking about the girl that did it and you knew the whole time.” 

“I’m sorry! I just didn’t want you to know I lied and then it just kept getting bigger and bigger and I couldn’t stop it. Pretty soon it turned into this huge thing I had no control over. It was like its own entity or something. I thought it was sentient. If I could go back and undo all of it I would. I had no idea it was gonna be this big we-” 

“Oh my God.” Ethan snapped, cutting him off. A sob threatened to escape his throat but he swallowed it down. “Can you not do your stupid rambling thing right now?” 

Benny swallowed thickly, “Fuck you.” 

“No fuck you. None of this would’ve even happened if you knew how to shut up in the first place.” Ethan knew he fucked up as soon as he said it. 

Benny's face fell. “What the fuck E?” He breathed. 

“I’m sorry.” He really was. “I didn’t mean that you just- I’m so fucking mad Benny. How could you do that to me?” 

“You say that like it didn’t hurt me.” He snapped. “You won’t even listen to me, you just started screaming at me.” 

Ethan wanted to kill him. He had every right to be angry. So maybe he hadn’t considered how it affected Benny. That wasn’t why he was angry. Benny was the only person he was sure he could trust and he lied to him without a second thought. “I’m not screaming at you. Don’t try to play the victim right now B. You’re such a fucking asshole. I can’t even look at you.

He really couldn’t. Because even though he’d never been more hurt in his life he could tell Benny was hurt too. He could see the pain behind his eyes. Benny looked like he was about to start crying too. Ethan could always tell when he was about to cry. Because Benny cried a lot. He cried when he was sad, when he was angry, even when he was happy. But he’d never cried because of Ethan. 

“I can’t look at you either!” Benny yelled. He never yelled. “You’re acting like this was so easy for me. I haven’t been able to look at you since it happened. If you were me you would’ve done the same thing.”

Ethan was flabbergasted. “No, I wouldn’t! I would’ve just talked to you like a normal person.” He couldn’t breathe. His entire body was numb. How was this even happening? He and Benny never fought. Not like this. There was never anything to fight about. It didn’t seem real. He lied to him and he was being such an asshole about it. 

Benny stood up. His entire body was tense. “I’m not a fucking normal person, okay?” He put his hands in his hair. “You know how fucking terrified I am of rejection. I was so scared and I panicked and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

“You don’t seem all that sorry.” Ethan was actually screaming now. He was so fed up. He was supposed to be his best friend. They were supposed to be able to trust each other. His whole perception of Benny was skewed. He couldn’t believe it was even happening. “Stop making excuses and just-” 

“Fuck!” 

Ethan froze. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

Benny's chest heaved from across the room. His fist was balled up and bloody at his side. A small hole had appeared on the wall next to him. “Fuck I’m so sorry E. I have no idea what the fuck that was. I don’t know what came over me I ju-” 

“Get out of my house.” Ethan whispered. His stomach was in knots. 

“Please E I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked. “I didn’t- I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry please jus-” 

“Are you fucking stupid?” Ethan said through gritted teeth. He couldn’t fucking believe it. He didn’t think he’d ever been this mad at anyone and he’d certainly never been this mad at Benny. That was probably the worst part of it all. “I said get the fuck out.” 

Benny opened his mouth to speak but he quickly decided to close it. He didn’t leave right away. He spent a few seconds standing there staring at Ethan. Begging him for forgiveness with his eyes. Usually, it would’ve worked but now it just made him feel sick. 

Benny sighed before walking out of the room. It felt so empty without him. Even though Ethan was absolutely furious he still felt like shit for hurting him. He wanted to console him and be consoled by him, but he knew it wasn’t possible. He’d never been in a situation where they weren’t able to be there for each other. He didn’t know what to do. 

When he was sure Benny had left he collapsed onto his bed and sobbed until his face went numb. 

~

Ethan was a mess. He’d never been apart from Benny for so long. They went everywhere together, Ethan even took him with him on vacations. 

He didn’t know what he expected. Sure it wasn’t like he thought everything would go back to normal but he wasn’t expecting Benny to just disappear. 

He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t see him waiting by his car the morning after. It wasn’t like he would’ve been thrilled to drive him anyway. But he didn’t see Benny at all for the rest of the week. He didn’t show up to any of the classes they had together. It wasn’t out of character for Benny not to show up to classes, but he always showed up to the ones they had together. Ethan didn’t know if it was because he didn’t get overwhelmed as easily when they were together or if he didn’t want to leave him by himself but either way he always showed up. 

He didn’t even show up for lunch which was extremely concerning. He’d seen Benny eat entire pizzas by himself and still have room for more. He didn’t want to worry about him, he really didn’t. He was still so angry at him. He couldn’t believe his best friend could betray him like that. He was furious.

But Benny was still his best friend. He still cared about him so much and he couldn’t help but worry about him. And maybe he missed having him around a little. He couldn’t help it. Benny had said he was his everything back at the party. Ethan hadn’t put much thought into at the time but he was right. Benny was so much more than just his best friend. He was his everything. 

It had been exactly two weeks since the incident and four days since the fight. He’d gained several privileges back, his parents going easy on him due to him being in total emotional agony, but he didn’t feel like doing anything. Not without Benny.

He was lying flat on his bed listening to some breakup playlist he found on the internet. It was stupid. Benny was just his friend; it wasn’t like he was going through a heartbreak. It still hurt him though. It hurt not being able to see his stupid face or to hear his stupid laugh. It hurt not getting to listen to his jokes. It hurt not getting to be around him. 

Part of him wanted to just walk next door and forgive him. He didn’t care what it took, he just wanted to see him again. He missed him so much. He missed talking to him and touching him and just being in his presence. But he knew he couldn’t do that. 

He knew he’d been an asshole. He said a lot of things he didn’t mean out of anger. He didn’t really give Benny a chance to explain himself. But he knew Benny had to come to him. He’d fuck up, but Benny really fucked up. 

He looked over at the hole in his wall. It really wasn’t that big. It was a miracle Benny had been able to even make a dent. He squeezed his eyes shut. How did he end up here?

A loud banging sound cut through his room, startling him. He took out one of his earbuds and looked around. He had no idea where it could’ve came from but it sounded like it was coming from inside of his room. 

The sound came again. This one was more rapid and clear. He turned his head towards the source of the sound. His stomach dropped. He walked over to his window and opened it. 

Benny was standing on the roof of his garage. 

“What the hell are you doing up here?” Ethan snapped. He couldn’t deny that he was happy to see him. He missed seeing his stupid face so badly he was it physically hurt. But he was still pissed and he knew he couldn’t just forgive Benny that easily. 

“Your mom wouldn’t let me in but I had to see you. Can I please come in? I promise I won’t punch another hole in your wall.” Benny tried to joke. He looked like a mess, his hair was wild, his face was puffy and his eyes were red. Probably from crying. God Ethan didn’t think he would’ve been crying. 

He thought it over for a few seconds. He’d been playing this scenario out in his head for days. Part of him just wanted to shut the window and go back to being sad. He didn’t know if he was ready to forgive Benny. He looked down at him. He was smiling but his eyes were so sad. “Yeah, I guess you can come in.” Maybe it was a mistake, but he was tired of not having his best friend. 

Benny's smile widened gratefully and he began squeezing his way into Ethan's room. He started struggling halfway through and Ethan grabbed his arms to pull him in the rest of the way. They froze when he finally entered. They were still holding each other's arms except now they were face to face. Ethan couldn’t breathe. Benny was looking down at him with this look he couldn’t quite place. It seemed sad but there was this layer of happiness behind it. Like he was happy to see him. 

Ethan couldn't contain his smile. Benny was happy to see him, and he was happy to see Benny. He wanted to just be done with all the drama. He wanted to just forget about everything and go back to avoiding eye contact and pretending like he didn’t have feelings for Benny. Or maybe he’d just kiss Benny again. It was a completely outrageous thought. He would’ve just ended up making everything worse. But he couldn’t help but imagine. Imagine what it would be like if he just leaned upwards and pulled Benny in. Maybe Benny would kiss back again. Maybe this would be the moment they told their children about. 

What the hell was he thinking? It was absurd to even consider that Benny liked him back and he was thinking about their children? He shook the thought away. He was being ridiculous. He knew he was being ridiculous. So why was it so hard to stop thinking about it? About how soft his lips were and how his body had tingled when they were against his. He’d felt nothing when he’d kissed that girl, it was like he was kissing his mom. But Benny had been different. There was just something about it that was so overwhelming. It wasn’t even comparable. It was like it wasn’t even built the same. Like there was something deep at its core that was just so… different. I

“I’m so sorry Ethan.” Bennys voice cut through his thoughts. Oh right. He was mad at him. “I never should have done that. I feel so horrible E, I really do. You don’t have to forgive me, I was being an asshole for acting like you did, but I just need you to know that I really am sorry.” 

Ethan sighed. He really did seem like he was sorry. Ethan didn’t know if that was just because he wanted him to be sorry or if it had actually been a genuine apology, but it seemed real either way. “I just don’t understand why. Why couldn’t you have just told me the truth?” 

Benny looked at the floor. “Because I…” Benny let go of his arms and sat on Ethan’s bed. Ethan had to hold back a noise of protest at the loss of contact. He missed touching Benny so much. “Because I couldn’t lose you E. You’re the most important person in the entire world. You mean fucking everything to me and I just couldn’t ruin us.” His voice cracked on the last word. He hung his head even further in an attempt to hide his face. Ethan could tell though. He could always tell when Benny was about to cry. Even when he couldn’t see his face. “I just didn’t want to make you hate me.” 

Ethan didn’t know what to say. There was so much to take in. He’d planned on being mad for a little longer before he gave in. But Benny looked so pathetic and he really did seem sorry. “I don’t hate you.”

Benny finally broke. A sob escaped his throat. It was the worst noise Ethan had ever heard. Because he knew he was the cause. “That’s the worst part.” Benny blubbered. “I lied to you and I was such an asshole about it and you still don’t hate me. You’re fucking perfect and I ruined everything.” 

Ethan sat on the bed next to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Even though he’d seen Benny cry hundreds of times he still wasn’t 100% sure how to handle it. Sometimes Benny needed him to hold him and tell him he was gonna be okay, sometimes he needed him to just laugh it off, and sometimes he needed him to just pretend it wasn’t happening. He knew what felt right in the moment though. He knew Benny needed him. Because he needed Benny. “You didn’t ruin everything. I mean yeah you were an asshole and I’m still pretty mad but you’re still my best friend.” 

Benny leaned into his shoulder. He took a moment to try to calm down but he still sobbed uncontrollably. “I was an asshole.” He took in a shaky breath. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to come over here to apologize and I just ended up making everything about me.” 

“It’s okay.” He wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tightly. “I’m barely even mad anymore. I just want everything to go back to normal.” 

“I missed you so much.” He buried his head into Ethans neck. Ethan tensed. What did they do now? He didn’t think he’d ever get this far. 

He continued to sob for a while in Ethans arms. Ethan didn’t mind. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going through Benny’s head. He didn’t know why he did a lot of the things he did. But he didn’t need to. All he needed to know was that Benny needed him. He didn’t get a lot of the support that he deserved. He needed a lot and he was afraid to ask for it most of the time. Ethan knew though. He could always tell, and he was always willing to give it to him. 

He waited for the sobs to calm down before he responded. It took a while but he would’ve waited for Benny for the rest of his life if it meant he never had to be away from him again. “I missed you too. Why the hell weren’t you in school.” 

Benny huffed out a laugh. The sobs had mostly come to an end, fading into violent sniffles and shaky breaths. “I was.” 

Ethan rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.” 

Benny laughed for real that time. “You were mad at me. I was trying to give you a break from my ugly mug.” 

He took in a breath. He’d never get anywhere if he didn’t try. “Maybe I like your ugly mug.” 

Benny stiffened next to him. “You do?” 

What the fuck did he mean ‘you do’? “Yeah. I love your stupid face.” 

He untucked himself from Ethan's side. “Are you making fun of me?” 

Ethan was flabbergasted. “No, I’m not making fun of you. Why would you be making fun of you?” 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought it was like that thing where straight guys pretend to flirt with their gay friends.” 

Ethan’s jaw dropped. Benny thought he was straight? How was that even possible? No one thought he was straight. “Benny I’m not straight.” 

Benny raised an eyebrow and turned his head to the side. “You’re not?”

“No, I…” He didn’t even know what to say. Benny could be so fucking stupid sometimes. “Benny we literally made out.” 

He shrugged. “Well, I don’t know. I thought you were just trying to make up for the girl you kissed earlier.” 

Ethan cringed. He never wanted to think about that girl ever again. “No, I just thought… you’re just really cute when you’re doing that rambling thing.” 

He smiled. “I thought you thought that was annoying.” 

“No, I think it’s really cute I was just mad.” 

He nodded. “So you think I’m cute?”

Did he have to ask so many questions? Ethan took in a breath. If he was gonna go for it he might as well commit. “Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re cute.”

Benny smiled even wider. “Oh.” He paused for a moment. His eyes flashed to the floor. “I think you’re pretty cute too.” 

Ethan tried to contain his smile but it escaped him regardless. “That’s pretty cool.” 

Benny wouldn’t even look at him. He was blushing like a little kid. Ethan figured that was a good sign. “So if you-” 

Ethans mouth was on him before he could finish. He had to stop doing that. He tried to pull away but Benny pulled him closer. It didn’t last very long, maybe 30 seconds spent with their mouths slotted together, but Ethans entire body was on fire. He could feel every atom in his body light up at the touch. 

Benny pulled away to speak. “Are you just gonna do that every time you want me to stop talking? Cause that’s pretty counterintuitive, you aren’t supposed to reward bad behavior.” 

Ethan rolled his eyes but he couldn’t contain his laughter. “Maybe I just did that because I wanted to.” 

“I dunno E. Seems to me like you only want me while I’m talking.” 

Ethan took in a breath. He could handle it. He could be smooth, especially compared to Benny. “I mean that’s probably true since you’re always talking.” 

Bennys eyes widened. “So you… what exactly are you- I don’t think-” Benny paused to search for the right words.

Ethan's heart sank. He should’ve known better. He was so stupid. “I’m sorry we don’t have to do anything. I just thought maybe you…” Ethan couldn’t finish. He just wanted to forget everything. Maybe Benny wasn’t as big of an asshole as he thought. 

Benny tensed. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong I just… what exactly am I getting myself into right now?” 

Ethans heart started pounding. He never thought he’d get this far. What were they getting into? He didn’t even know. All he knew was he would’ve been fine just getting to be near Benny for the rest of his life. “I don’t know. I mean we’re already almost dating so… I don’t know.” 

Benny raised his eyebrows. “Dating?” 

Why did he say that? “No, I just mean… I was just saying.” He’d really dug himself into a hole. 

“I don’t hate the idea of dating.” 

Ethans eyes widened. There was no way he heard that right. “You don’t?” 

Benny looked at the floor. “I mean not really.” He fidgeted with one of the buttons on his coat. “I think it could be… I wouldn’t hate it. I mean you’re so important to me and you make me feel like I’m gonna throw up all the time. You’re so cute it makes my heart hurt. I think maybe I’m… I think one day I could fall in love with you.” 

Ethan fell backwards onto his bed. He was smiling like an idiot. “Are you trying to ask me out right now?”

“I mean if you wanted to.” Benny said, his voice coated with anxiety. 

Ethan giggled, he fucking giggled. “Of course I wanna go out dork weasel.” 

“Oh thank God.” Benny said as he flopped down next to him. “You have no idea what I’ve been going through these past two weeks. I mean I couldn’t stop thinking about you, it was torture. I couldn’t even look at you dude I was miserable.” 

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Try doing that for four years.” 

Benny gaped at him. “Four years?” Ethan nodded. Benny narrowed his eyes. “But I thought you liked Sarah.”

Ethan sighed. He really didn’t want to talk about Sarah. He knew it would probably come up eventually, he’d been pinning after her for almost two years. He just thought he’d have more time. He didn’t even fully understand it himself. “I guess it was kind of an act. I just thought since she was pretty and she was a girl I kind of had to like her. I never actually thought it was gonna go anywhere. She’s my babysitter and she’s 18 it was so unrealistic. I think I was just trying to distract myself from you.” 

Benny nodded. “That’s good. She could totally beat me in a fight.” 

Ethan huffed out a laugh. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

“It has everything to do with everything.” He wrapped his arms around Ethan and pulled him into his chest. “If she ever tried to go for you I obviously would’ve had to duel her for your affection and I would’ve lost miserably.” 

He laid his forehead against Bennys. He was so happy he could’ve died. “You don’t have to worry about her. You’re the only one I ever actually wanted.” 

Benny made a high pitched noise and put his hand on the back of his head. “I don’t… You’re the only one I want too.” Ethan wanted to reply but he just couldn’t stop looking at him. It didn’t seem real. Two weeks ago Benny didn’t even like guys and now he was his. He’d been pining for so long and now it was just over. He won. He was on top of the world. 

Benny pulled him in even closer. He nuzzled him with the side of his face. Ethan started giggling again. “What the fuck are you doing?” 

“I’m having a moment.” Benny said. He tilted his head to the side and inched his face closer to Ethans. He closed his eyes and parted his lips in anticipation but instead of Benny’s lips against his something sharp clamped lightly around Ethans nose. 

“What the hell.” Ethan pulled away, his hand flung up to cover his nose. “Did you just-” A laugh managed to make its way out of him. “Did you just bite my nose?” 

Benny nodded. “It was cute right.” 

Ethan burst out laughing and buried his head in Bennys chest. “You’re so fucking stupid.” 

Benny gave him a squeeze. “I’m your stupid.” 

Ethan let out a content breath. He really was his stupid. They laid there for a while with their limbs tangled together. At one point Ethan thought Benny fell asleep. His face was buried in his neck and his breathing was calm. He didn’t think he’d ever seen him sit still so long in his entire life. 

“You’re moms gonna kill me if she finds out I’m in here.” He mumbled into his neck. 

Ethan laughed. He put his hand on the back of Benny's neck and planted a kiss on the top of his head before running his fingers through his hair. “Let her find you. I missed my boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter @gayassbenny

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking time out of your day to read this mess. Might make a follow up if anyone is interested


End file.
